Mom refuses to host Christmas dinner and only invites select family members, the rest of the family finds out, then demands to be invited as well: 'You host, then'

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    "They refuse to do any work themselves"
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    My extended family is mad at my parents for not wanting to host Christmas.
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    My parents have been hosting Christmas and Thanksgiving for several years for both sides of parents family (every year for Christmas on my dad's side and rotating hosting on my moms).
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    About 5 years ago they stopped hosting Thanksgiving. Every year they would go all out with their cleaning. All hands on deck in the house, cleaning every part of the living rooms (upstairs and down),
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    dining room, kitchen, laundry room, and bathroom, including a platform no one can see the whole thing except from the upstairs living room where my nutcracker collection goes. Their house is decently sized, so it takes several hours just to clean it.
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    My parents are older now, (mid 50s) I have been moved out for several years and my sister is gone on a cruise until after the new year. My mom and dad had planned on having a Christmas with just my dad's mom, my Aunt
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    (L), and my Aunt (C) and Uncle (J), my cousin, and me at our house. Well L told another Aunt and I guess everyone who knows are p ed about it. L ranted at my grandma about it and she told my parents she wasn't going to
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    come. There are a lot of people, 10-15 depending on which part of my families side comes (due to an argument from like 6 years ago between the sister of a family member who was hospitalized and the guys wife and they haven't gotten along even after he was released).
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    My aunt is petty and we know that she's just being py because her kids weren't invited. I'm pretty sure of the reason L was invited was because I didn't want to have to be the one who was my grandmas ride because I
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    like to stay for a while at my parents house since I don't see them often, and my grandma wants to go home as soon as food and everything else is done. I went over to do my laundry at my parents house on Thanksgiving because I don't.
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    have a washer and dryer, and the entire time I was finishing up the two loads I had, she was asking when we were going to leave and even put her coat on as I was taking the first load to my car.
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    My mom wants to send an apologetic text to them and explain why they aren't hosting. I told her to tell them if they want someone to host so bad they can host for the family because they are tired of the stress and effort
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    they put in to hosting just to put just as much effort into cleaning up the mess by themselves afterwards. My dad is telling her to not even suggest that someone else hosts because they should already be volunteering to host or just not respond at all,
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    but I know that my mom will respond and it will be too nice to people who don't even bother to keep in touch with them after holidays are over.
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    Edit: apparently we aren't supposed to know that anyone has issues with it? I guess L will throw a fit if she finds out and L is my grandmas ride to day to day things like getting her hair done.
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    Snackinpenguin ⚫ 11h ago • Your mom should NOT apologize. Great that extended family was able to come together, but either someone else needs to step up or each family can host their own.
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    . Mulewrangler • 17h ago • Your parents have been doing everything for far too long. Nobody, except for them, is owed an apology. And your aunt ved herself, hopefully, by never getting another dinner invitation again. As for granny?
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    Call a ride home. She's only coming for the food part, not the family part. (I don't miss or think about mine) Please, show your mom a bunch of comments telling her not to apologize or feel bad. The family is just mad that yours isn't doing the
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    work that they refuse to do themselves. They don't appreciate it, if they did they'd have been helping. Tell your parents to enjoy a quiet holiday with those they love, who love them.
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    Seven607 OP • 17h ago • My mom doesn't even know I did this. I'm just really irritated that my mom is worried about any of it because it's not her problem
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    Old_Blue_Haired_Lady • 16h ago • This doesn't exactly fix the pushy relative problems, but it sounds like your parents might do well to have a house cleaner come before family gatherings. And put grandma in a cab. That s's annoying.
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    Seven607 OP • 16h ago • Unfortunately where we live there are no cabs. My parents have me get my grandma because she lives pretty close to me.
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    Tiny-Metal3467 • 15h ago • Ehen your mom replies, and knuckles under, and she will...you followup with the truth and call them out. And cancel everthing on her behalf. Dont let them take advantage of her.
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    Seven607 OP • 15h ago • Unfortunately I was not put in the group chat since I don't have a "hostable" home. I live in a small one bedroom apartment and I told my mom that I should host at my apartment and see how much fun it'll be if they want someone else to host so bad.
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    fiestafan73 10h ago • "I was unaware that you all feel so strongly about family getting together at the holidays. Family is important, so after many years of putting in all the work, I am excited to see all of you at L's home this year. She has clearly determined that we are all getting together this year. We will see you all there!"
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    yay4chardonnay 11h ago • I am still recovering from Thanksgiving! I am in my 60's and told my spouse that I am not doing this next year. My guests were lovely but it was still SO MUCH WORK!
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    FLVoiceOfReason • 11h ago • Hosting is a huge pain, and no one should feel family pressure to do it, especially if the group is on the larger side. Complainers need to host themselves if they want the big event experience.

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